Letting Go

Hello.

I have recognized a pattern with myself and my writing. Lately, like I mentioned in my last post, I have been reflecting on my past and my last relationship. There is still a lot of resentment on my part and to be honest it has been making me borderline depressed. Yes, I am still hurt and angry with the whole situation and as much as I wish it wasn't, it is still affecting my day to day life. I can't seem to shake certain memories and events that took place that led me to where I am now. And as excited as I am to start my next chapter in Tucson, I know for a fact that there is certain things I do not wish to carry with me there.

This time of year is especially difficult for me, as last Valentine's Day, was the day which I decided to propose. I knew even then that if things didn't work out, it would make it a tough day for me in the future. Now, it is that time of year again where every advertisement and local establishments are preparing for the big day with reminders to make your dinner reservations, or how to dazzle her with a certain cut of a diamond or a fancy necklace. All of these things are especially difficult to remember as I think back on the excitement and how anxious I was feeling when I made my decision. Although, I still don't regret making that choice last year, as it has taught me many important life lessons I will undoubtedly carry with me into my future relationships. However, I no longer wish to bring up the past and those events, but rather learn from the lessons it taught me. I know that I need to let it all go, the feelings of betrayal, the bitterness, all of it. For that is the only way I will be able to truly make a new life for myself once I get to Arizona. It is much easier said than done unfortunately.

In the gym today, I was taught a new lift, and we used a certain type of weight that you can drop on the ground once you hit muscle failure. And it wasn't until I first dropped the weight that this realization hit me. I have been exhausting my mind with the weight of my past, knowing that I will soon no longer be able to hold it inside me any longer without it eventually crushing me and that it had been holding me back all along instead of helping me move forward, So, tonight as I type this post, I am letting it all go, letting it drop from my mind and out of my life so I no longer have to hold it up. I have to say, in a sense, I feel like I am finally free. Free to find myself and happiness once more. Free to live my life for me and me alone and to do what I want to with it. And now I can begin to truly heal and repair my broken self once again. It will most definitely take a lot of work, determination and some true grit. But I know that I can do it.

I ask for prayer and encouragement as I travel down this unfamiliar road. I know that I have a long ways to go, but I can't wait to get there. I want to hear from you! What are some things in your life you are holding onto that you could benefit from letting go of? Maybe just ask yourself that question, although I feel I should warn you, you may not like the answer as it is rarely an easy thing to look inside yourself and realize what has been holding you back. As always, I am available to talk to anytime. I hope all is well with you and your lives and that you too can make positive changes in your life. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

God Bless.

-Nathan