Hello to all!
I hope that everyone had an amazing Holiday season with their friends and family. I spent my Christmas in Rogue River, hanging out with my parents in their cozy home. I couldn't help but reflect on this past year. Most of my actions I took this year were big ones for me. I had decided about this time last year to ask my then long time girlfriend of over 2 years to marry me. I remember feeling nervous, anxious and terribly excited. I knew when, how and where I would do it. I was ready for it all, the commitment, adapting to the changes, everything. As we all know, things did't quite pan out as I hoped they would. As my mom so wisely stated "boy who was ready, met girl who was not." I have always been the type to put others needs ahead of my own. While I have grown tremendously as a person this year, I have to admit that this has been my toughest year to date. It is my last night in Oregon, as I fly to Florida tomorrow evening. I couldn't be more excited about it all. A fresh start in a new state with people that love and support me is exactly what I need. I will be in Florida helping my oldest sister, Jaime and brother in law Zach, get their house ready to rent out and then helping them move cross country to Tuscon, Arizona. While I am excited about this upcoming adventure, I can't help but feel a bit anxious. Not in any sort of negative connotation, but because I am so beyond ready to put the past behind me.
I'll be completely honest, in so many ways, I feel broken. My heart is still healing from its recent shatter. I can't even begin to describe all the pain I feel inside. I wish I could just brush it all off and pretend like I am fine, as I have done so many times in the past. I know I have much work to do. I am making a vow to myself, this year, I am going to focus solely on bettering myself. It may sound selfish, but after so many years of trying to make other people happy, I feel I owe it to myself to be selfish for a change. I have big plans for this year. Once we get all moved in and settled in Tuscon, I will be flying up to Oregon to retrieve my car, some personal items and man's best friend, my Jack Russel, Yogi. From there, I am going to make the long journey down through California, stopping to visit my best friends and some family along the way. While I have been blessed to live in this beautiful state of Oregon, I know my time here is up. If you know me well, you know how many times my family and I have moved. I think the count is somewhere over 30 different houses, in many different cities, in 2 states so far. I am a traveler, I often feel like if I am in one place for too long, I get uncomfortable. While I was still engaged and my thought process was focused on our future together, I really felt like Oregon was a good place to raise a family and settle down. Obviously, this is no longer my thought process. I will always hold Oregon close to my heart as it has not only been my home, but a place where I have so many vivid childhood memories of family road trips up here to visit my grandparents and all of the great times we have had along the way.
So.... what exactly are these big plans? Well, for starters, I really want to go back to school. Tuscon is the home to the University of Arizona, and while I will probably start by taking some general courses at a community college to get back into the swing of things, my plan is to eventually transfer my credits to the University and get at least my AA, but hopefully my BA in Business, with a minor emphasis on Music. Music has been a very powerful tool for me my whole life. I can remember as a very young child falling asleep every night to the sound of my dad playing his acoustic guitar. As I grew older, I became heavily involved in the church as my dad was a Worship Leader and my mom often sang on the worship team in addition to helping run children's church. That is where I got my start running sound and understanding the dynamic and the true power that music has. I was blessed to receive my 1st, very own acoustic guitar from my most recent supervisor. It's nothing fancy, but it has a beautiful sound to it and I am so excited about learning how to play. I had tried to learn many times before, but never really had the patience for it. I have already made some progress, learning a few chords and getting into a routine of practicing. I plan on taking lessons and a few classes in school to help me with that as well. As a sound engineer, I want to be able to relate to the musicians I work with in the future. By being able to understand what they are playing and going through, I feel like that will help me tremendously to be able to relate. I want to learn to play the drums and piano as well. I am going to dive into music, maybe even try my hand at songwriting. All I know is that I love music and all things associated with it, and I want to learn it all.
When I take off tomorrow night, I am going to try my best to not look back, I am looking forward to the future. I know that dwelling on the past is only going to keep me from my future. And I am not about to let that happen. I am so excited about the future, and I can't wait to see where life takes me. As far as those who have hurt me, really, thank you. If it wasn't for all of that, I would not be embarking on this journey. Sometimes the most painful things can bring forth the greatest blessings in disguise. As angry as I still am, I am doing my best to let it go. I have forgiven them, but it will take me some time before I can forget. But as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. I will do my best to keep the updates coming in, but I will be very busy in the next few months. Keep me in your prayers. I wish the best for all of you in this upcoming year!
God Bless,
Nathan Dorsey
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